Are We Biologically Inclined to Couple for Life? (2024)

November 1, 2011

3 min read

Jeannine Callea Stamatakis, an instructor at ­several colleges in the San Francisco Bay Area, responds

By Jeannine Callea Stamatakis

Are We Biologically Inclined to Couple for Life? (1)

How does our brain learn new information?

—David Graybill, New York City

Heidi Johansen-Berg, a neuroscientist at the University of Oxford, responds:

THE BRAINis an enormously complex network of billions of neurons connected by more than 90,000 miles of fibers—long enough to traverse Russia’s coastline four times. This intricate architecture allows us to absorb information quickly and efficiently. Learning mainly takes place at synapses, the junctions between neurons where information is relayed. A synapse’s performance changes when we learn something new, obeying the principle that “cells that fire together, wire together.”

To understand this concept, first imagine trying to remember the name of a new colleague, a tall, bearded man we’ll call Joe. Your brain needs to form an association between a complex visual image and a name, which are encoded by different groups of neurons in various parts of your brain. Every time you are introduced to Joe, these sets of neurons fire simultaneously, strengthening the synaptic pathway that connects them. Next time you spot a tall, bearded man coming down the corridor, you will easily greet Joe because the visual image will be strongly linked with his name.

Many different events can increase a synapse’s strength when we learn new skills. The process that we understand best is called long-term potentiation, in which repeatedly stimulating two neurons at the same time fortifies the link between them. After a strong connection is established between these neurons, stimulating the first neuron will more likely excite the second.

In addition to making existing synapses more robust, learning causes the brain to grow larger. Optical imaging allows researchers to visualize this growth in animals. For instance, when a rat learns a difficult skill, such as reaching through a hole for a pellet of food, within minutes new protrusions, called dendritic spines, grow on the synapses in its

motor cortex, the region that allows animals to plan and execute movements.

Although we cannot see these tiny details in living human brains, we can use brain scanners to visualize larger changes that happen as we learn over longer periods. Learning to juggle, for example, increases the size of parts of the brain involved in looking at and reaching for moving objects and strengthens the pathways that connect these regions.

Are we biologically inclined to couple for life?
—Chelsea Brennan, Minneapolis

Jeannine Callea Stamatakis, who is an instructor at ­several colleges in the San Francisco Bay Area, ­responds:

"Till death do us part” is a compelling idea, but with the divorce rate exceeding 50 percent, many people would very likely agree that humans have a biological impulse to be nonmonogamous. One popular theory suggests that the brain is wired to seek out as many partners as possible, a behavior observed in nature. Chimpanzees, for instance, live in promiscuous social groups where males copulate with many females, and vice versa.

But other animals are known to bond for life. Instead of living in a pack like coyotes or wolves, red foxes form a monogamous pair, share their parental and hunting duties equally, and remain a unit until death.

For humans, monogamy is not biologically ordained. According to evolutionary psychologist David M. Buss of the University of Texas at Austin, humans are in general innately inclined toward nonmonogamy. But, Buss argues, promiscuity is not a universal phenomenon; lifelong relationships can and do work for many people.

So what distinguishes the couples that go the distance? According to several studies, a range of nonbiological factors can help pinpoint which pairings are built to last—those who communicate openly, respect each other, share common interests and maintain a close friendship even when the intense attraction wanes.

John Gottman, a psychologist emeritus at the University of Washington, developed a model to predict which newlywed couples will remain married and which will divorce, a method that he claims is 90 percent accurate. He found that most divorces happen at critical points after a couple unites. The first period occurs after seven years, when pairs tend to feel the strain of their relationship (does the Seven Year Itch ring a bell?). After 20 years, couples may encounter “empty nest syndrome”—a lonely feeling that can take over when children leave home, causing a rift in the marital bond.

A couples’ therapist recently shared with me one key question that he always asks his clients: “Tell me about your wedding day.” An answer composed of positive memories is a good sign. A couple that instead begins talking about the rain and stress is also offering a telling clue.

Are We Biologically Inclined to Couple for Life? (2024)

FAQs

Are We Biologically Inclined to Couple for Life? ›

For humans, monogamy is not biologically ordained. According to evolutionary psychologist David M. Buss of the University of Texas at Austin, humans are in general innately inclined toward nonmonogamy.

Are human beings biologically monogamous? ›

Not many species are strictly monogamous, people might be more polygamous than you would think. Humans aren't sexually monogamous in the sense that many birds are.

Is lifelong monogamy possible? ›

And why is it that so many marriages don't work out? The answer is simple: being monogamous is not as realistic as everyone thinks. This isn't to say that monogamy isn't possible, but rather that it isn't likely in a relationship meant to last a lifetime.

Did humans evolve to be monogamous? ›

Humans are now mostly monogamous, but this has been the norm for just the past 1,000 years. Scientists at University College London believe monogamy emerged so males could protect their infants from other males in ancestral groups who may kill them in order to mate with their mothers.

Are humans the only animals that are monogamous? ›

Scientists now estimate that only about three to five percent of the approximately 4,000+ mammal species on Earth practice any form of monogamy. Before the advent of DNA fingerprinting, scientists believed that about 90 percent of bird species were truly monogamous.

Are men biologically polygamous? ›

Polygamy is not the desire for more partners. Men are not naturally polygamous, neither is a woman. Everyone desires more. Interestingly, polygamy only does apply to the married — a bachelor(rette) or a person in a monogamous marriage can't be polygamous — if anything, you're promiscuous.

Are humans a species that mate for life? ›

Although 15 to 29 percent of primate species favor living together as couples, far fewer commit to monogamy as humans know it—an exclusive sexual partnership between two individuals. Humans obviously have an imperfect track record. People have affairs, get divorced and, in some cultures, marry multiple mates.

Why is monogamy unnatural? ›

Sexual unions between humans are not meant to be permanent. As we evolve, so does our understanding of these truths. Monogamy is not simply unrealistic; it is unnatural. You do not find it often in the animal kingdom, and where you do it is generally born of an evolutionary necessity.

Why is monogamy so hard for humans? ›

The bottom line is that monogamy is hard and we are not biologically built for it. Despite the human desire to be heard, seen and loved in a romantic lifetime partnership, our natural urges for sexual exploration are arguably stronger.

Is monogamy a human construct? ›

This practice of monogamy is a modern phenomenon that humans have socially constructed in “recent” years.

Were cavemen polygamous? ›

This has led to speculation that – like us – Neanderthals and Denisovans were mostly monogamous. However, there's some evidence to suggest that Neanderthals did sleep around more than modern humans.

What does the Bible say about monogamy? ›

New Testament. Three passages in the pastoral epistles (1 Timothy 3:2, 1 Timothy 3:12 and Titus 1:6) state that church leaders should be the "husband of one wife." This has been read by some Christian denominations as a prohibition of polygamy.

When did the Bible switch to monogamy? ›

As Christianity emerged in the Roman Empire in the first centuries AD, it embraced monogamy and took it further, insisting that two people must reserve their bodies and desires for each other, marriage becoming 'an everlasting threesome with God'.

What is the main disadvantage of monogamy? ›

Monogamy is an intrinsically unstable mating strategy. Benefits include the (relative) certainty of access to the partner's reproductive potential, but the chief disadvantage is that access to other potential partners is strongly diminished, particularly in those cases where males exhibit strong mate-guarding behavior.

What animal only mates once in a lifetime? ›

Beavers are one of the few mammals that mate for a lifetime, only choosing to find another mate if their original mate dies. But here's where it gets interesting: there are two types of beavers, European beavers and North American beavers.

Are humans monkeys? ›

Humans and monkeys are both primates. But humans are not descended from monkeys or any other primate living today. We do share a common ape ancestor with chimpanzees. It lived between 8 and 6 million years ago.

Do humans have a monogamy gene? ›

Thus, there is no single monogamy gene, but the V1aR gene, acting in concert with many other factors, profoundly influences social behavior. In addition to pair bonding, the V1aR appears to alter other aspects of social behavior.

Are humans a pair bonding species? ›

Although humans have remarkable flexibility in mating styles, from polygyny to serial monogamy, we have a strong tendency to pair bond, with social monogamy observed across diverse cultures throughout history [13].

Does pair bonding occur in males? ›

A crucial step in recent theories of human origins is the emergence of strong pair-bonding between males and females accompanied by a dramatic reduction in the male-to-male conflict over mating and an increased investment in offspring.

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