How to live with a messy person (2024)

Tips and tricks for a happy home.

Jun 03, 2020 7:00am

Inevitably, and in every house hold, one person is inherently tidier than the rest. In the same way one person is always more punctual, one better with finances and one fussier about lists. Unfortunately, ongoing messiness can be a bugbear that's hard to swallow for the other party - our home is our sanctuary and as such, keeping it clean is an important part of everyday life. Not being able to keep things in order can actually have wide-ranging repercussions for the more unkempt among us.

Below, we look at 8 helpful ways to make things a little better when living with a messy person.

1. Know they're not doing it on purpose

Everyone's brain works differently and focusses on different things. Constitutionally messy people simply don't "see" the mess. At least not in the way you do. So don't think they're doing it just to annoy you.

2. Work out your non-negotiables

What is that really irks you about their mess? Is it the tea cups all over the house? The dirty clothes on the floor? Their inability to make the bed? Figure out what they do that really drives you to distraction and make a promise to work on it together. You might not win every dirty battle, but you can (and should) make requests on the two of three things that you really can't stand and then calmly remind them of their promise should they lapse back.

3. Compromise a little

Living by the creed "my way or the highway" never really worked for anyone. While they could no doubt stand to be cleaner, you could probably afford to relax a little. Remember that there's a big difference between dirt and mess. The former means germs and potential illness, the second is just clutter.

4. Draw up a cleaning chart/schedule

Decide between the two of you (or group) what each person is going to do each week. Set realistic goals that can be achieved depending on everyone's work schedules and stick to it. If it's clearly outlined what someone needs to do in a week it's more likely they will get it done. It's also worth assigning everyone with chores they most like doing!

5. Go shopping together for home organisational things

Hopping on over to places like Ikea or Howard's Storage World is a fantastic way to motivate people to get clean and organised. If you can make things so they are easy to organise at home you will see better results.

6. Purchase items that make cleaning easier/more entertaining

Cleaning tools that are efficient and new can inspire people to get up and clean (especially if they look good). A Dyson vacuum is a perfect example of this. They work so well that it almost doesn't feel like you're doing much work at all! Using beautifully scented products is also a great way to entice people to get up and cleaning.

7. Ask them to keep their mess to their corner

If you're living with housemates the standard rule is that you can do whatever you want with your own bedroom but you should keep the communal areas clean. Rather than expecting your housemate to make sure everything is always clean, ask that they just keep the mess to their specific area of the home.

8. Be the bigger person

Life is better lived together. While some of their habits might not align with yours, it's our differences that make life worth living and relationships worth pursuing. You're not their mother, father or butler so try not to get into the habit of acting like one - it will only leave you feeling frustrated and unappreciated. Instead, remember that you're adults, equals and friends. Being sympathetic is also necessary if you're living with someone who works long hours or is in a high stress job (or both). Everyone is different and many of us simply need time to unwind and don't have the emotional capacity to come home and clean.

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As an expert in home organization and creating harmonious living spaces, I've spent years researching and implementing effective strategies to address common challenges faced in households. My expertise extends to understanding the psychological aspects of living with varying levels of tidiness and the impact it can have on individuals and relationships.

Now, let's delve into the key concepts discussed in the article "Tips and tricks for a happy home" and provide insights based on my extensive knowledge:

  1. Understanding Different Perspectives:

    • The article emphasizes that everyone's brain works differently, especially when it comes to tidiness. Messy individuals may not perceive clutter in the same way as others. This aligns with the concept that people have different priorities and perceptions, influencing their approach to cleanliness.
  2. Identifying Non-Negotiables:

    • The article suggests figuring out what specific aspects of the mess bother you the most and addressing those concerns together. This concept aligns with the idea of setting priorities and establishing boundaries to ensure a more harmonious living environment.
  3. Embracing Compromise:

    • The article encourages compromise and highlights the importance of flexibility in maintaining a happy home. This aligns with the concept that rigid, "my way or the highway" approaches are often counterproductive, and finding middle ground is crucial for cohabitation.
  4. Implementing Cleaning Charts/Schedules:

    • The article recommends creating a cleaning schedule or chart to clearly outline responsibilities and expectations. This concept reflects the importance of communication and organization in ensuring that household chores are distributed fairly and completed regularly.
  5. Motivating with Organizational Tools:

    • The article suggests shopping together for organizational items to motivate people to declutter. This aligns with the concept that the right tools and systems can make cleaning more efficient and enjoyable, encouraging individuals to take an active role in maintaining order.
  6. Using Efficient Cleaning Tools:

    • The article highlights the impact of efficient and aesthetically pleasing cleaning tools, such as a Dyson vacuum, in making cleaning feel less burdensome. This concept underscores the role of technology and quality products in simplifying household tasks.
  7. Defining Personal Spaces:

    • The article recommends setting boundaries on personal spaces, asking individuals to keep their mess within specific areas. This aligns with the concept of defining communal and personal spaces, promoting shared responsibility for common areas while allowing personal freedom within designated spaces.
  8. Maintaining a Positive Relationship:

    • The article emphasizes the importance of being the bigger person, recognizing differences, and maintaining a positive relationship. This concept highlights the significance of mutual respect, understanding, and empathy in creating a happy and functional living environment.

In conclusion, the article provides practical tips and tricks rooted in psychological and organizational principles to foster a happy home, drawing on the expertise gained through years of research and practical application in the field of home organization.

How to live with a messy person (2024)

FAQs

How to live with a messy person? ›

Psychology says that messiness can indeed be a sign that a person is having trouble. Just like someone who is suffering from OCD and has to control everything, being a messy person might show that they are dealing with depression or some other mental illness.

What is the psychology of a messy person? ›

Psychology says that messiness can indeed be a sign that a person is having trouble. Just like someone who is suffering from OCD and has to control everything, being a messy person might show that they are dealing with depression or some other mental illness.

How to deal with a partner who is messy? ›

5 Ways to Deal with A Messy Partner
  1. Write a list. Have a calm discussion and create your list at a time that suits you both, not when you're in the middle of an argument. ...
  2. Compromise. ...
  3. Be open to negotiation. ...
  4. Outsource it. ...
  5. Respect the relationship.
Feb 15, 2022

How to deal with living with a slob? ›

Use a shared to-do list: Dividing up chores and making a plan of action with clear routines and time limits may make sense especially for roommates. Or simply asking sometimes "can you take out the garbage while I wash the dishes?" might help. You can even do chores together (a playlist timer might even make it fun).

What does a messy room say about someone? ›

A messy room can be a sign of creativity and freedom—or it can indicate an underlying mental health disorder. Symptoms of depression, such as fatigue, hopelessness, or difficulty concentrating, can lead to teen messiness.

Is Messiness a mental disorder? ›

Is being messy a mental illness? Being messy or having a messy house isn't necessarily a sign of mental illness, but it could be. The answer is very dependent upon the severity and the context of the mess. For example, having a messy bedroom is a stereotypical trait of a teenager.

Is being messy an ADHD thing? ›

Many adults with ADHD have cluttered workspaces and homes. If you work well in those surroundings, then it's time to make peace with your organized chaos. If not, learn how to prevent clutter from overwhelming you.

Can a messy person change? ›

Experts say tidiness, like messiness, is learned. It may seem like some people are natural born neatniks and others are hardwired to create clutter. But experts say that's just not true. Far from innate, these tendencies are largely acquired over time.

Why do some people live in clutter and filth? ›

Some people simply do not place a high priority on having everything clean, organized, and in its place. In this case, messiness is simply a normal state of affairs. If the house is cluttered and it's just fine with you, then it's probably more a sign of your personality and preferences.

How do you live with someone who likes clutter? ›

Be a team and communicate.

Stop looking at the clutter as something that's just yours, and start asking yourself how you can deal with the clutter as a team. Ask your spouse/partner/significant other if they would like your help in reducing some of the clutter, even if it's primarily their clothes/shoes etc.

Is living in clutter a mental disorder? ›

As you know, hoarding is a psychological disorder. And the way I conceptualize this, and one of the ways to look at this is, think of hoarding as lots of the same stuff—toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper, toilet paper.

What is the psychology of messy people? ›

Indeed, according to psychological research, sloppiness might be an indicator of emotional distress. Like someone with OCD who feels they need to micromanage every aspect of their life, someone who is chronically disorganized may suffer from depression or another mental health condition.

What are the characteristics of a messy person? ›

Messy people are spontaneous and flexible

Because they thrive in chaos, messy people can roll with the punches. They don't freak out if something changes because they're used to commotion. These traits help them out in their personal life and they're also extremely valuable in the workplace.

What does a cluttered house say about a person? ›

At the extreme of this are people with mental health issues, hoarding tendencies, and depression, making it difficult for them to deal with it. Conversely, a mess could simply be a sign of a busy family who doesn't have the time, or of a home that just contains too many possessions and needs a good old declutter. '

What does it say about a person who is messy? ›

You may be overwhelmed

A messy space could indicate creativity or someone who is too busy but a messy space could also indicate further issues like anxiety or ADHD. Clutter and mess can consciously or unconsciously affect you mentally,' warns Jamie Hord, CEO, and founder of Horderly Professional Organizing.

What causes a person to be messy and disorganized? ›

"Excessive clutter and disorganization are often symptoms of a bigger health problem, such as attention deficit disorder (ADD), depression or obsessive compulsive disorder," says Hurtado. "If this is the case, the behavior needs to change versus the logistics of the home, like space or layout."

What is a messy person called? ›

A very messy or slovenly person is called a slob, which is a noun. You could also refer to a messy person as a ''pig.

Is being a messy person genetic? ›

It may seem like some people are natural born neatniks and others are hardwired to create clutter. But experts say that's just not true. Far from innate, these tendencies are largely acquired over time. “We are the products of our learning environments — you're not born to be tidy or messy,” says Joseph R.

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