What makes a man a man? It’s different than it used to be. Learn all about how we’ve shifted from dominance and strength to understanding and respect!
Traditionally and stereotypically, things like power, strength, and lack of emotion are what make a man a man. Although these things are not innately masculine, they have defined masculinity for what seems like forever.
But just because a man can throw a punch or chug a beer doesn’t mean he is a true man. A true man has qualities that make him caring, compassionate, and chivalrous.
How has the things that make a man a man changed?
The primal man has typically been defined by his brute strength, ability to provide for his family, generally stoic demeanor, and assertiveness.
But just as the penis doesn’t make the guy, neither does his ability to abstain from showing his feelings or win an arm-wrestling match. These days, many would argue that a man who hides his emotions is no man at all.
And that’s because the old ways of thinking about what masculinity is are extremely toxic. [Read: The divine masculine – how to awaken the superior male within you]
Think about it, a father who never hugs his son and tells him that boys don’t cry isn’t something to aspire to. However, a father letting his son articulate his feelings and work through them to find a solution is what makes a man a man.
The former way glorifies aggression, violence, a continuation of the cycle of toxic masculinity, and misogyny.
These things are often triggered by a fear of being seen as feminine.
The fact that many men’s worst fear is to be perceived as less masculine is a problem within itself. If guys can be taught to feel secure in their masculinity by sharing their feelings and respecting others without aggression, this old way of thinking could finally come to an end. [Read: 15 gender stereotypes we need to let go of now!]
What makes a man a man
Traditional masculinity has absolutely nothing to do with what makes a man a man today. Modern masculinity is a little bit different. It’s better for guys and their mental health, which has always and unfortunately been overlooked.
But while we’ve been talking about what makes a man a man, we haven’t yet dived into the specific traits of a real, true man. So, how can you spot a true one?
1. He feels confident in his masculinity and sexuality
A real man doesn’t need the reassurance that he is, in fact, a real man. He knows who he is, and he’s comfortable being that person regardless of the opinions of others.
No longer does he need to overtly show off his masculinity to feel confident in who he is. He doesn’t make a show of putting his muscles on display or boast about the number of women he’s slept with.
He’s much more humble and down-to-earth than that. [Read: The 25 manliest and least manly things a guy can ever do – a woman’s point of view]
2. He respects women
What makes a man a man is the respect he has for women. And, we mean about all women, not just his mother or sister.
He respects women he finds attractive and those he doesn’t, and he’s able to show respect for women of all ages. He doesn’t talk down to women or sexualize them, nor does he assume that they need his help.
3. He isn’t afraid to let go of power
Being able to relinquish power in any setting is a pretty big deal.
There was a time when women weren’t allowed to work at all, let alone work in a higher position than a male. Now, it’s common for guys to have female superiors, and it definitely doesn’t mean that he’s weak. [Read: ]
He can find it in him to step down and let a woman say her piece. He will release his grasp on the room to let others have a say. A true man no longer needs to be the center of attention or have control over others.
4. He always offers to help
A real gentleman will always offer to help, but he won’t assume you need it. He’s a gentleman! He will open your door, help you up the stairs, and pull out your chair. But if you decline his help, he won’t be defensive or angry. He’ll be there when he’s needed without being pushy.
He’s helpful to humankind instead of just womankind. If another guy needs help, he won’t hesitate to offer assistance, either.
5. He’ll call out other men
This one is so overlooked yet so important.
You often hear women talking about terrible men who treat them awfully, but you rarely hear a guy talk about another guy that way.
What makes a man a man is having the ability to call out other men. He will put his pride or the precious bro code aside to call out sexism, blunt misogyny, and other inappropriate behavior because, as we said, he respects women. [Read: 19 inspiring male feminist ideas from around the world you need to hear]
6. He believes women
A true gentleman will believe a woman when she says she is uncomfortable, doesn’t want a drink, has a boyfriend, was assaulted, etc.
He won’t push boundaries, use peer pressure, or try to charm her. He’ll respect what she says without question, without requiring further proof, and without deflecting blame.
7. Admits when he’s wrong
Men who still subscribe to the old ways of masculinity have a severe problem with trouble admitting defeat or wrongdoing.
They might resort to blaming others, lying, or just doing whatever it takes to hold the high ground. But what makes a man a man is his ability to admit his mistakes. Being able to humble yourself is a huge sign of maturity in any person. [Read: Signs of high testosterone and what it means]
8. He appreciates what others do for him
Many guys do not realize their stance in society. No matter what the argument is, they are in more positions of power than women, but that’s not due to women’s lack of trying.
However, a true man will appreciate who got him where he is. He will appreciate the women in his life and the women before them. He will appreciate those in the service industry and respect people of all statuses because he doesn’t have any grandiose ideas about being better than anyone else.
9. He’s a feminist
Many males struggle to identify as feminists. That’s because there’s a false connotation of testosterone-hating and thinking that women are better. [Read: Understanding male privilege and what it looks like in real life]
But feminism is actually about equality, and a true man knows that.
He knows that women and men deserve the same rights. And he knows that women deserve the same amount of respect, the same opportunities, and the same rate of pay.
10. He can laugh at himself
A real man has humility. He can laugh at himself, and he isn’t easily embarrassed. He’s not defensive about jokes, nor does he take himself too seriously.
He knows when he needs to be serious, but he always has time for a laugh, especially at his own expense. [Read: The signs of low self-esteem in a man that reveal his dark side]
11. He is always learning
The constant desire to continue learning is a true sign of masculinity.
He listens and wants to know more, but no matter what he learns, he never thinks he’s the smartest person in the room. He is open to new experiences, never shuts down another opinion, and welcomes new information.
Most importantly, he never behaves like a know-it-all and will never point out someone else’s mistake with malice.
12. He owns up to his faults
He can admit his shortcomings. He is self-aware and willing to work on himself, and he doesn’t declare that he’s perfect.
Men who think of masculinity in its traditional terms always end up so rigid. They think that they know what’s best, no matter what the situation is.
Thankfully, modern masculinity is way more flexible. They don’t feel like they have to have the final say or dictate everything, instead, they own up to not knowing everything or being better than everyone. [Read: What’s the key to your happiness? Surprising truths to unlock a better life]
13. He keeps his word
What makes a man a man is his ability to keep his word. He will not make promises that he has no intention of keeping because he is true to himself, and he’s always honest.
14. He relishes the responsibility
The traditional male archetype that we already know says that men should take pride in their hard work and responsibility, so not a lot has changed on this front.
A good man genuinely enjoys being able to take care of his loved ones. He enjoys the responsibility of providing for his family, and he likes knowing that he’s put forth the effort and worked hard to achieve his goals and make his family and friends proud.
15. He works on his mental health
The hallmark of modern masculinity is taking care of one’s mental health. [Read: Why we need to break down the stigma behind mental illness]
It’s no secret that traditional masculinity taught boys that they couldn’t cry. If they were upset or worried, they weren’t allowed to show it. It seemed that anger was the only appropriate emotion for them to show.
Now, however, knowing your emotions is healthy and encouraged.
More guys are mindful of their thoughts and feelings, and more are involved in therapy than ever before. Knowing how to be aware of your emotions and express them effectively is a great tool for anybody!
16. He nourishes rewarding relationships
Now, more than ever, we’re more aware of what toxic relationships can do to a person.
True modern men know to foster healthy relationships for themselves and contribute to healthy relationships with other people. [Read: ]
They build encouraging, rewarding, and stable relationships.
17. He cares about his physical health
This is another one of the things that have always been pretty true for guys, but it’s just a tad different than it used to be.
Historically, men have been associated with strength. The amount of muscle a man had was of the utmost importance, so they sought to increase their muscles regularly. Now, it’s about more than just the muscle. That type of strength no longer defines a guy.
It’s about overall physical well-being. They typically try to be more aware of what they’re putting in their bodies. They balance their exercise and just put more care into their health in general.
18. He challenges himself
Modern guys are all about growth. [Read: 16 essential traits of successful men you should work on]
They constantly seek out new ways to challenge themselves and step outside their comfort zones. He pushes himself to do more, know more, and grow more.
He likes to explore new places and ideas, and he pushes the boundaries of what he thinks he can do so that he can reap the benefits.
19. He respects everybody
A real gentleman is gracious with his respect.
He shows respect to every person without bias. Modern men are respectful of other males, women, and children. He doesn’t discriminate based on gender, age, or way of life.
20. He’s ambitious
A guy knows how to set goals and reach them. He’s always on the road to self-improvement and will do whatever it takes to reach the end. He isn’t afraid of hard work or the length of time it will take because he has the internal drive to succeed.
[Read: The characteristics of a good guy that make him reliable and desirable]
There’s always more than one way to be masculine, but these are definitely some solid foundations! What makes a man a man is building on these stepping stones.
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